moms for the night

so I'm at my mothers house for the night...I really want a cigarette and I have massive studying to do omg. I'm listening to jennifer hudson spotlight, she's so fucking full of herself. it pisses me off, no lie. I'm so worried that I won't make it to class in the morning...whatever. I have so much stuff that needs to get done before can leave tomorrow. i have no idea why it suddenly switched over to italics...WTF okay so i'm leaving tmr at 5am and i just realized i have a packet to do that's 15o cardiology questions...it's going to be a loooong niiiiight...find me bitches i'll be in coudy tmr! oh and BTW I'm so sick you have no idea i sound like a scumbag manwhore and I don't look much better, do you totally love the prideflag in the back???? SUCK IT MERCEDES

theatreboy331 (8:10:45 PM): haha lol did you get my msg

Mad Crazy Merrr (8:14:05 PM): just right now ?

theatreboy331 (8:14:11 PM): no from your bday

Mad Crazy Merrr (8:15:12 PM): ha no

theatreboy331 (8:15:29 PM): oh fucking a it was HILARIOUS

theatreboy331 (8:15:35 PM): i was drunk

Mad Crazy Merrr (8:15:39 PM): haha, all your messages always are

Mad Crazy Merrr (8:16:17 PM): are you in town hoe ?

theatreboy331 (8:17:23 PM): i will be at 8am tmr

Mad Crazy Merrr (8:20:05 PM): skank. call me, ill be workin from 6 to eleven but i wanna see you

theatreboy331 (8:20:24 PM): ewwwww 11 at night?

theatreboy331 (8:20:28 PM): you got car yet?

Mad Crazy Merrr (8:20:51 PM): nah, my life sucks duh. & yes, eleven pm.

theatreboy331 (8:21:04 PM): lol okay i'll see you tmr biotch

Mad Crazy Merrr (8:21:23 PM): seeee you tomorrow slutbag. :]
this is everyday life.... mwah!

it's 4:01 God Damn it

So random story about tonight, me and my friend alex were met up with 4 people that we sort of knew tonight at the theme park and we were conversating while they were in the same line we were going to get in. we weren't planning on jumping line honestly I have big issues with it. So we were just talking to them and this guy hollers to us. "Hey boys, this is the line and you're not cutting it." So i just yelled back, "hey dude that's cool, we're not jumping we're just chatting with some friends, we'll join the line when we're done. simmer down!" so then he kept going and I had to be mean so in front of everyone I said "Hey look I don't know what you're issue is but you keep repeating yourself like rainman we're going to keep talking to our friends, it's not a crime, you can't stop us. and i'm sorry if you're hurt that I don't care about what you say, just simmer it down." He kept going... so finally I said "okay asshole my heart bleeds black for you, if you have such an issue with us standing here you can drive yourself home and slice your night away with a boxcutter, for all I care you can bleed out on your bathroom floor. Have a great night and simmer the fuck down." Finally he shut up, as did like 30 people in the line we were in they all just kinda stared at me, and I just gave them the sorry this guys an asshole. so we start walking away and I hear faggot. I was like bitch you're going down so I screamed at the top of my lungs at the crowd "Attention, could I get everyone's attention please! this kind gentleman seems to have an issue with me conversating with my friends before we head to the back to experience it ourselves. now his selfless devotion to this line and it's saddening long length has annoyed me to no end, which is why I am now moving to the back where the sun can shine on him for this good deed and the world can be set right. could we all give a round of applause to this kind man for this great act of good citisenship??? -I was the only one that clapped everyone else just stood there and snickered.- So I went up to him and said, looks like you're all alone there buddy, and do you even have a date??? NO. you don't probably because you told her she couldn't break the rules too many times capeetannn boy scout...good luck with that and enjoy the ride you selfless bastard." it was absolutely phenomenal I've never felt so refreshed in all my life.

Why am I writing this at 4am? Because i'm depressed and vulnerable now sit down and listen

If only, I could just find someone, that I could connect with. Someone who gets me. Someone honest. Someone understanding. Someone real. I want the guy that's not afraid of rejection, who's not afraid of change, who's willing to move on, and can't wait for the future to come. The days drag on now, it's depressing. It's not like it's easy to just go and pick up another guy, it's hard as hell to even find anyone who's worth getting my number. I'm not sick of rejection, I'm sick of rejecting people. I'm over it. I'm over this whole scene. I just wish I could find a real man so to speak. I want a guy who isn't afraid to hold my hand in public. Who's not scared of crying. Isn't sickened by emotion and enjoys a good Third Eye Blind song. I want someone to go to concerts with, and the gym, and the park, and the movies, and I guess the mall. I want to wear conversating Halloween costumes with my guy. I want someone who's going to be honest and a real man about things. I can't stand dating wussies. If you can't stick up for me at the gym, you're not worth my time. Not like I would ever need you to, it's just the gym can be risky and anyone you're going to fight there...is going to bring a fight. I hate sissy guys who should have been born a girl, I love them as friends. But honestly I can't stand trying to talk to them half the time because it's never a conversation...it's a production. I just want a real guy, who's kinda cute, doesn't have to be. I want him to be honest, caring, sensitive, understanding, a legal american citizen, a good kisser, in love with reading, able to read, cook, show up on time, stay fresh and clean, look good bummy, open minded to the people and ideas the world has to offer, a non supporter of war, enfatuated with music, so intune, a critic, sarcastic, funny, romantic, a normal, rational, breathing, nonalcoholic or drug dependant, noncliny, noncodependant, height and weight proportianate, average human being with a nervous tick.
That's it, I don't even care if you just need a visa, I need you and that's all that matters.

Some days I wake up, realize what's real, walk to the mirror, and wish I was someone else. I wish that I could just pack up and change every damn strand in my DNA. If only I could do it, if only it wasn't me I look at every morning it's the same old same old every single day. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff these days everything is more hectic. People are even more ridiculous than usual. I'm still alone though. I broke up with my boyfriend because we all thought he was an asshole. I took a vote from the congress in my head, also my brother and best friend couldn't stand what he was doing...strange enough, I couldn't either but was okay with it. He was getting too sketchy & I hate sketchy. It's not worth my time, and neither is he. Boys who think they're Boy stuff is more important than family or honesty are stupid. I hate boys with boy stuff. I'd rather date a girl, just because they're understanding, they get it, there's never the pressure of fitting into the guy mold. Gay guys are so gay. Doesn't it make you wish you were a better man? You're just a boy. So moving on, I'm super lonely out here, I haven't really met anyone yet, and I'm sick of this place. I want to move to a city where there's less new guy feeling...I don't know where the city of everyfitsinhere is but I'll be on mapquest for hours trying to find it. and everything will be wonderful someday...untill then I'll keep looking in the mirror wishing i had my back to the shore and not the sea

I'll be coming through so get ready so get ready

So here's my update, I'm back, I had a great time at Lohikan, really loved it can't wait to go back, hopefully I can go back next year. It's been a great summer I lost some weight, I feel good, and look great. I just finished up my first set of classes before the next semester starts. I'm finally back home with my best friend and we're watching scary movies and lounging around. I'll be in allentown until thurs or friday and then straight back to coudersport on friday. It's a good time. I need to start bulking up, for reals, just got a membership packet to the Y woohooo, it's time to start swimming again. Soooo anyways... Grissom is getting replaced on CSI? I'm really worried that I'm not going to make it through college, it's just like everything seems so out of whack, a fraudulent zodiac, but whatever. also the person who couldn't leave me alone for like ever is back to haunt me. like a bad dream. ugh. OH! and one more thing I decided I want to change my name to sullivan, it's such a great name and i just figured it fit me, but as for this blog I'll always be signing it "Grey." Damn do I love CSI it totally makes my night now that I've been deprived of TV for like ever. whatever. By The Way it's a major possibility that I'll be moving to allentown shortly, it all really depends on what goes on in the next week...depending I'll be out there for the next year where there's a mall, and a barnes and nobles :) and everything else I need to survive. So I'll be keeping this blog posted. nobody go nowhere.

I would understand...

I'm happier without you...
I really am
and I can't stand you
I can't stand the new you...
why?
because you're inevitable
you're the calm before the storm
and now you've become the storm
and if you do not want to see me again...
I would understand.

sex lies and all your addictions.

So I'm home from camp for a couple days and I have SOOOOOOOOOO much schoolwork to catch up on so this blog is not going to be like "let me tell you all the stories about camp" it's agoing to be ashort and aeasy...I met some awesome people so far, I definitely have a crush...yea. I know. Then of course there is a rumor that I have a crush on some guy who is a lifeguard, all because I made a comment on how he's the big man on campus, he's very popular and so friendly. whatever. There is this one guy though, and he's really cute, and he has a perfect smile, but kinda a wierd laugh, oh well. We have ALOT in common, you'd be surprised. it's kinda wierd that I met him like right outside the infirmiry right after I got there and now I'm like WOAH! I don't know, he's so cute I just want to take him home, but like we have all seen in the past, I do pick losers....uhm major losers? anyways camp is so wierd like there is no internet, unless you're free all the time and you can spend every ounce of your time searching for a slight hint of a very slow internet connection, I don't even have the time to piss in a day there. Internet is kinda a priority for me, but not as much as surviving in the wilderness. I have my own room, which is nice, my own bathroom which is a must, i HATE sharing a shower, it's no fun. I have a bit of a sunburn by the way, and did I mention I have lost 12 pounds...freaking yes I did, we're going for 20 more and a 6 pack of abs, but let's face it, compromise can be neccesary. I work for these people who do not believe in smoking, it's like a major "NO". I would think that going for a nature hike and smoking would be acceptable, it's most certainly not. Also these people use the term "quitted" instead of "fired". why? because they view themselves as traditionalist parents, who refuse to be disobeyed. breaking one rule gets you fired. I'm waiting for my slip... it's only a matter of time, but seriously I've been good, a little lonely but good. I'm not really lonely there, like I am never by myself but I'm lonely in the aspect that I want to be home with my friends while they're home for the summer. another thing I've realized while at camp for 7 days is that not only can you not judge someone because they have the decency to speak to you before hearing you speak but also there are like 5 billion things I need to change about myself, cause right now, I'm beginning to realize how much I suck at alot of things, so anyways this I guess is my cigarette blog of the week because you won't be hearing from me for a while and I hope you can all understand that I have like no service at this place and no internet, bitch all you want but it's not going to get a cell tower in my bedroom, just know that. BY THE WAY, for those of you who know what I mean, he's back, and I'm not going to say no, even though I want to.