and so the legacy continues

off I go, I'm done. I want out of here and I'm getting my ticket. I need sunshine, sand and cool blue water. Off I go you need to say your goodbyes to me now. I'm restless and sick and off I go. Here I go. Wish my well :) I'll miss you all

where will you go, where will you run?.....probably to florida

mom she'll be fine, everything will be alright. I finally got some sleep and I can't tell you how good that feels. as i sit here with my cigarette I'm reminded of better days. I gotta get out of here. It's time to go job searching. It's time to start researching. I'm sick of the same old place the same old feeling when am I going to find it? this thing that I'm apparently looking for. It's like there's something I don't have that I need. But I cannot find it to save my life. And I want to be saved but I get the feeling I don't need a saviour. I don't know nothing makes sense right now and it's cold as hell here. It is hell here. I think I'll go to my moms today. I think I need to go for a drive. IDK. somebody send me an answer. I hate the feeling of disappointment from others. The one thing I can't deal with is letting someone down, especially if I care about them, I'm so torn right now. I need a better job, a better situation, better everything and I don't have any of it. This winter might just be the coldest ever. And it might just be the hardest. I said this would be my last winter, and I intend to keep my word on that one. I need to go. I also need to go grocery shopping...I should probably get on that. I've never really had to do it for myself though so it might be kind of awkward. Idk. I need to do something with my life. I need to get on that.

the 10 songs I need right now.

okay so everyone has ten songs in their life at every given moment that they need. atleast I think so. well here's mine:
1.Thriving Ivory - Unhappy
It's so hard to pick just one there's like 5 of theirs right now that I couldn't live without :) awesome band and I love all of their music, they're lyrical geniuses. This song is definitely my cigarette break song.
2.Tenth Avenue North - By Your Side
excellent song, it's my head above water song.
3.The Great Lake Swimmers - Your Rocky Spine
this song is so flipping cute It's my sing along song, It just makes me feel like mellow. it's a fun and very sensual song but not in a like rip my pants off pound me way it's like the romance in the chase. I love it.
4.The Killers - Human
Don't know if you've heard it but it's really good it's a very nice song to just kinda think to. it's amazing. I love all their work.
5.City High - What would you do?
okay so I know this song is from like forever ago, I recently fell in love with it and idk it just makes me think so it's on the 10 songs playlist.
6.Chris Brown Ft Keri Hilson - Superhuman
Great pick me up break my heart song? If that makes any sense. God these are all such sad songs.
7.All American Rejects - Gives you hell
enough said.
8.The Automatic - Monster
this song is so fun I love to dance around in my underwear to it, listen to it and I think you'll understand why
9.Jason Mraz - I'm yours
Okay sure overplayed but this is me and carly's hi we're bffs song. so back of bitches. get in line. we're on number 34
10.brooke fraser - Shadowfeet
I love this song, it's just so sweet.
and If I could have a number 11 it would be pink dear diary. Couldn't live without it right now. Idk I love my music that's for sure. And nobody knows but me....and you. :)


p.s. other good music I'm lsitening to right now ;)
John Denver - Sunshine on my shoulders
Leanne Womack - Last call
Buckcherry - rescue me
Apocalyptica featuring Adam Gontier of Three Days Grace - I Don't Care
the pussycat dolls - I hate this part
thriving ivory - stranger

it's just a simple walk from here to there, but oh the things you'll find along the way

push the needle in the vein
and push that good warm poison
cause I don't wanna feel
and I seem to be in prison
I said I've never been ready
cause I don't have no special degree
and maybe I've got aids
and maybe all I need is something
to push inside these veins
I'll end up another accolade
numb me to the world
break my intercession
and increase my very perception
show me the only sky
and open me up to the waters
that flood this very city
clearing the gutters of the high class living
Cause I've been spending my nights
in an abandoned house
and all for the sake of a five minute high
and I could have my own way
and that's the way I'd have it
because it infects every walk of life
if only i could live my life
and break this simple cycle
staring out this simple car window
and watching the cold fall settle
I'm freezing here
let's go down town
I can only show you it all
so buy me a bag
and break my spine
you'll have what's "yours"
and I'll get whats mine.

Run out of words, But I still got time.

truth be told I miss you, truth be told I'm lying. So I've got something new that I wrote :) Can't wait to post it and get hate mail... Just kidding on that one. when people were reading my blog like crazy I did get some insane hate mail. Anyways here's my update, my best friend just started blogging on here and I'm in love with it. She's such a good writer. I love it. so anyways I've been busy, I went to work today and forgot my pants again so I ran home real quick like and got back to go on a call well my boss sent me home early, as a punishment. but anyone who knows me knows that I don't get punished by anyone and I refuse to stand in a corner. it's just not me. So I've been home tonight just working on stuff and chatting and listening to music. and I wish I had more liquor, for real. :( So i think I'm going to post that new thing I wrote, I did it while on a transfer with a heroin addict. it's pretty intesnse. Actually. I want a cigarette. and a hug, but even more I want a cigarette.

Fuck this, florida here I come

Tomorrow is just another day of waking up to talking about nothing, random bullshit literally. I fucking hate my life. Seriously, all I want to do right now is fucking sleep. I just want some fucking peace and quiet before I have to go to work tomorrow, But why? Why the hell would I not want to get up early to talk about shit that could be discussed on the phone, don't get me wrong, talking in person is AWESOME but let's be fucking real here, I could have the same conversation on the phone. literally waking up tomorrow just in time to say goodbye, is not that big of a deal, however waking up fucking early when I could be sleeping would be just ridiculous. Seriously, I work a full time job, Just got booted out of college, I'm dealing with quite a bit of shit right now, I haven't gotten a good nights sleep in God knows how long. Jesus! I'm so fucking sick of this cycle. I want out. I'm headed for the coast.

The deer, failing out of college, and the hitch-hiker who changed my life.

Okay so after the drama and such that unfolded Thursday night I headed home for a whole new story...okay so I'm in between Wellsboro and Mansfield and I hit a deer with grampa's car. I busted out the grill and all the fun stuff that mother fucker was HUGE I was so upset....okay so that was friday night, then this morning (sat.) morning went to class. well I failed out of college...and fuck you all for judging me. I really couldn't care what you think about me leaving college. I'm over it...really it's not the end of the world. I'm still pretty. I'm just whatever. I'm currently looking into schools that actually teach, I couldn't give a damn about that town or anything else HACC related. okay so after that was over and I deal with the day I drove past this guy who unbeknownst to me would be the breath of fresh air I needed. I picked him up, he'd been walking from oregon and he was headed to scranton with nothing but a winter coat and a hikers back pack. call me insane call me greyson I don't care, but I picked him up...and it was the best decision i've made this month. he has this real outlook on life like everything is everything, the colors are what they are and reality is what it is. and he chooses to be happy. we were talking about how big the world is and how small we really are, the possibilities of no more war, forgetting hate, moving on, freedom, a general concensious with our true selves, the truth, forgetting these sucky responsibilities, and just welcoming the real world and our lives with open arms, and a clear mind. I think i'm ready to look for the school to locate to. this guy really hit me hard and I consider him a friend now. He really changed my outlook in a matter of hours. A real breath of fresh air, he opened my eyes a little bit more to the icy cold breeze we choose to call reality, even if it does suck. Thanks Carl. Hakeilo