No one believes the truths that you out while you sleep.
The summer is gone
The summer is so gone
I'm so sorry
I know I lied, and I know it was wrong but I don't do well when I'm caught in a lie. I never have done well. Nor will I ever. It's life. I lie. I'm building a life, that I don't want to lead, but it's the only thing I know how to do well. And I even suck at that. I really like you, but you're sometimes just too much, I don't well under the microscope. Behind this velvet curtain, there's duct tape, a lot of duct tape, holding most of it together, and there's simple white rope at the top. Holding it all up. The cheats and the lies that hold this thing together, for some people genius, for others, just shame. I've fucked alot of things up in my life. I don't want this to be another one, I don't want to run this thing into the ground, before it hits the water. I know it's tough, I've never been easy. I know I'm abrasive I've never been quite smooth, and I know I'm not simple, I've always been this complicated. Please don't take this too much to heart. But seriously. I have flaws. Alot of flaws. I'm not asking you to look past them. I'm asking you not to look. I don't want to be just another notch you smoothed out of your life. I don't want to be a pleat. Please just take me for what I am, don't believe a word I say, and for the love of God. Pretend. Some days it's all I can do to get up in the morning. Honestly. It really is. Some things, like this, I just can't handle, and I'll understand if you say goodbye. I want this to work. I don't want to say goodbye, but I'm afraid I'll just fuck it up again.
I'm sorry. I was wrong.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
=]
high school never ends
I am so much better than I was then, nowhere near as self conscious, everyone tells you, oh things will get better once you're out. I never believed anyone. I'm a totally a different person than I was back then...thank God too. I mean if I was still that person...I can't even imagine. Life was hell then but I let it be hell. I'm so glad I'm out of there, really I'm so glad I left. I needed florida, and I'm getting feeling it needed me too. =]
I am so much better than I was then, nowhere near as self conscious, everyone tells you, oh things will get better once you're out. I never believed anyone. I'm a totally a different person than I was back then...thank God too. I mean if I was still that person...I can't even imagine. Life was hell then but I let it be hell. I'm so glad I'm out of there, really I'm so glad I left. I needed florida, and I'm getting feeling it needed me too. =]
Monday, February 23, 2009
Go to hell
Today's the day. I find out what's going on downstairs with my testicle I'm drinking mountain dew and smoking like a crack addict in withdrawl, my heart rate has got to be atleast 110 and my BP....let's not even go there. So I'm sick to my stomach about this ultrasound business. I'm shaking...couldn't sleep last night, thanking God for the friends I have. It just seems like shit. All the times I've cheated death, and now my testicles could be killing me, are you fucking serious right now? I honestly don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I am ready for a hot shower. One step at a time, living every moment like it's my last...I'm off to the Doctors =]
Smile through the pain
Dance through the rain
Smile through the pain
Dance through the rain
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A few more hours...then it's time to go.
I write because I feel. I feel because I write.
Right now, I should be in bed, waiting for tomorrow to come, but I'm not. I can't sleep. I won't sleep I'm having my manhood, which I cherish, examined for flaws tomorrow. Not just in case but because I know they're there.
I'm learning to read the heart monitors by my side...alone
I'm learning to breathe, to hold back the tears...
When All I want if for someone to hold my hand.
I feel so small, and alone.
It's one of those nights, I just need a hug.
I'm trying so hard, I can't explain it.
All I know is that I have this moment, this glimpse of time.
Like I'm holding a flower in my hand and in moments it will wilt.
I don't want my life to wilt, or fade, or die.
I'm ready to live this moment for me.
With you or without you.
I can't sleep.
But that's okay, I'll be up for a while.
Right now, I should be in bed, waiting for tomorrow to come, but I'm not. I can't sleep. I won't sleep I'm having my manhood, which I cherish, examined for flaws tomorrow. Not just in case but because I know they're there.
I'm learning to read the heart monitors by my side...alone
I'm learning to breathe, to hold back the tears...
When All I want if for someone to hold my hand.
I feel so small, and alone.
It's one of those nights, I just need a hug.
I'm trying so hard, I can't explain it.
All I know is that I have this moment, this glimpse of time.
Like I'm holding a flower in my hand and in moments it will wilt.
I don't want my life to wilt, or fade, or die.
I'm ready to live this moment for me.
With you or without you.
I can't sleep.
But that's okay, I'll be up for a while.
Show me how to lie
Okay, so I'm trustworthy, to a point. You can always trust me with things like your car, your house, your pets on the weekends, your secrets. I'm sorry. I will never tell the same story twice, I will always bail out when I'm caught in a lie, I will always lie or be completely honest. I can't even tell which is which anymore. I have certain stories that I've told so many times, it feels true. I believe them to be true, I hardly ever stop and think of them as lies. I'm in a bad situation. I found a gentleman, I really did, but I am a liar, he knows it. I can't tell if it's bad or good, because now I get the feeling everyone knows how much I lie. I was born to be a con artist, I act upon this belief so often that at times I feel nobody can be stopped. I get the feeling I'm on a fast track, in the wrong lane, with only luck on my side. But honest question? Ok. When does my luck run out?
Friday, February 20, 2009
yay friday
It's midnight, I'm sober, laying in bed, I took a two hour nap, I want a more exciting friday night, like last night. I don't think I'm sleeping here tonight.
I have interviews tomorrow that I don't plan on blowing off
It's completely more intoxicating than watching your eyes droop in the darkness
This is night will never be over
It'll replay in my mind for years to come
With shuttering memories,
bits and pieces
hidden in the regret
I don't want the sun to go down on me...right now
But it's too late to try to change time.
This one is so depressing and I'm actually in a great mood, so whatev, I need to go check the mail
shower
get ready
and go!
This is night will never be over
It'll replay in my mind for years to come
With shuttering memories,
bits and pieces
hidden in the regret
I don't want the sun to go down on me...right now
But it's too late to try to change time.
This one is so depressing and I'm actually in a great mood, so whatev, I need to go check the mail
shower
get ready
and go!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
For the times, just kept on passing
I showed up at his door, no gifts or explanations for the way that I'd been acting.
Please, please, be true. be true to me. I don't want to be just another one a day, disposable, a throw away. Please, please be true...to me.
I tried to kiss you lips
You said, let's put an end to this.
Please, please, be true. be true to me. I don't want to be just another one a day, disposable, a throw away. Please, please be true...to me.
I tried to kiss you lips
You said, let's put an end to this.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Another day...wasted
And that's just life, Cause life has a funny way, of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
What's in a name.
Cigarettes and Innocence are scattered on the floor
I'd rather learn to sleep alone...
&& I know exactly how you feel.
Sometimes I get the feeling, nobody knows the real me; there's drunk me, public me, friends me, family me, carly me, and then there's just me. Sometimes when you call me Greyson I want to correct you, I just want to be called Grey. I think there's a few people in this world that call me Greyson, and mean it. If that makes any sense. But sometimes I really think. What's in a name? What is it that makes the little boy cringe when he hears his first & middle name? What's in the name that gives that executive that feeling of maturity, or the teacher, the power and anonymity in just a last name? What is it that makes me think when I hear my first name. I met two Blondes tonight, when they found out my full name, they both said it, and I thought...This isn't me. The real me isn't found in bars, the real me doesn't have a fake ID, the real me doesn't risk arrest. The real me lounges in a tshirt twice his size, listening to acoustic music, happy to be wrapped in a blanket made of fleece. The real me is pretty damn funny but knows how to be serious. The real me would be happy to run through a wheat field, laughing at the sky. The real me might never be free. I'm still looking for the Mr.Right who's willing to call me Greyson, and I'm willing to listen. The real me loves music, loves to dance, cries at chick flicks, eats calories, doesn't drink them, loves his mother more than the air he breathes, cherishes the air he breathes, isn't really that clumsy but is kinda accident prone, isn't afraid to speak his mind, and is silenced by the beauty of the world. It's funny because sometimes Greyson, and I mean the real Greyson Dale that is, peeks his head out into reality, gets scared, and ducks behind what is known as Grey and hides before he can even begin to realize just how much people love him. I wish I could show you the Greyson that you're dying to know. I'm sorry, but sometimes it's just too much to handle. Maybe someday.
I'd rather learn to sleep alone...
&& I know exactly how you feel.
Sometimes I get the feeling, nobody knows the real me; there's drunk me, public me, friends me, family me, carly me, and then there's just me. Sometimes when you call me Greyson I want to correct you, I just want to be called Grey. I think there's a few people in this world that call me Greyson, and mean it. If that makes any sense. But sometimes I really think. What's in a name? What is it that makes the little boy cringe when he hears his first & middle name? What's in the name that gives that executive that feeling of maturity, or the teacher, the power and anonymity in just a last name? What is it that makes me think when I hear my first name. I met two Blondes tonight, when they found out my full name, they both said it, and I thought...This isn't me. The real me isn't found in bars, the real me doesn't have a fake ID, the real me doesn't risk arrest. The real me lounges in a tshirt twice his size, listening to acoustic music, happy to be wrapped in a blanket made of fleece. The real me is pretty damn funny but knows how to be serious. The real me would be happy to run through a wheat field, laughing at the sky. The real me might never be free. I'm still looking for the Mr.Right who's willing to call me Greyson, and I'm willing to listen. The real me loves music, loves to dance, cries at chick flicks, eats calories, doesn't drink them, loves his mother more than the air he breathes, cherishes the air he breathes, isn't really that clumsy but is kinda accident prone, isn't afraid to speak his mind, and is silenced by the beauty of the world. It's funny because sometimes Greyson, and I mean the real Greyson Dale that is, peeks his head out into reality, gets scared, and ducks behind what is known as Grey and hides before he can even begin to realize just how much people love him. I wish I could show you the Greyson that you're dying to know. I'm sorry, but sometimes it's just too much to handle. Maybe someday.
The Lies I tell are atleast heartfelt.
You're not just cracking the door I can do that myself you're kicking it blown open emotions to the side ready to run for me to find something wrong for me to ponder it and not care when I'm wrong and I'll be leaving you at the door
Why do you have to pissy?
It only makes me sad.
Now years seem to pass
as we blink our eyes
maybe I was meant to be
Left Behind.
Why do you have to pissy?
It only makes me sad.
Now years seem to pass
as we blink our eyes
maybe I was meant to be
Left Behind.
I WANNA WORK HR
And where have you been? You're only four cigarettes away.
So I still need a job, and I am thinking about starting an online company, like a satellite office. It's a great idea for a small firm and I could take care of business arrangements as well as board room meetings. I need to get a cell phone first omg, it's hell sometimes not having a phone. Ya know when you quit smoking you just want to quit all the time as the craving for one cigarette has now doubled to a pack like I feel so hormonal, I crave like a full pack of cigarettes. I swear it's true. And it's crazy, it's like halfway through february and the ice cream truck is driving by no shit!
the music that thing is playing is so incredibly creep I want it to drive right in front of my apartment but it didn't. Damn it. I want ice cream now, it's the cigarettes I swear. They're making me light headed, so that's a plus. It's my body telling me to stop smoking.
So anyways back to my online thing, I think I want to do business strategies for businesses who have clientele who need to be reached almost daily. I could work out systems where people could conference and use different board rooms to get the meetings done in a timely fashion. I think I'll call it Greys enterprise. Yup That'll be the name. And it will be genius. I'm also working on my book. Fuck it's great to be unemployed, but still I'd rather have a job.
So I still need a job, and I am thinking about starting an online company, like a satellite office. It's a great idea for a small firm and I could take care of business arrangements as well as board room meetings. I need to get a cell phone first omg, it's hell sometimes not having a phone. Ya know when you quit smoking you just want to quit all the time as the craving for one cigarette has now doubled to a pack like I feel so hormonal, I crave like a full pack of cigarettes. I swear it's true. And it's crazy, it's like halfway through february and the ice cream truck is driving by no shit!
the music that thing is playing is so incredibly creep I want it to drive right in front of my apartment but it didn't. Damn it. I want ice cream now, it's the cigarettes I swear. They're making me light headed, so that's a plus. It's my body telling me to stop smoking.
So anyways back to my online thing, I think I want to do business strategies for businesses who have clientele who need to be reached almost daily. I could work out systems where people could conference and use different board rooms to get the meetings done in a timely fashion. I think I'll call it Greys enterprise. Yup That'll be the name. And it will be genius. I'm also working on my book. Fuck it's great to be unemployed, but still I'd rather have a job.
I think someday I will write again
I throw on a t-shirt and walk outside to smoke, and I think of you. I think of how you call me beautiful, I think of how much I want you, I think of how you make me smile and I think about the other night. I think about the fact I met you drunk. Best drunken decision of my life.
I want to write my book. Now. Damn it.
& he's a gentleman, & he's got me writing again, & please don't let me fall for him.
I want to write my book. Now. Damn it.
& he's a gentleman, & he's got me writing again, & please don't let me fall for him.
Monday, February 16, 2009
You can't stop this, so why try?
Okay so what I love is, right when I think everything is cool somebody tries to step in my way. Bitch, look out. Cause I'm coming through, with stilettos and legs for days!
I am art on fire
I'm the burning desire to read more
I am the screaming of the night
On a simple downtown street
I am the person you've always been in love with
I am the problem in the solution
I am the essence of confusion
I am the loud in the quiet
And the disgust in your face
And the sob before the sigh
I am running
I am screaming
I am crying
I am the sob
I am the determination
I am the fall
I am the broken heart
I can't contain it all
I'm the wind you're feeling
And the chill running down my spine
I'm the lonely
And the lie
I'm the faker
And I'm high
This is my life
This is every day
I'm going to leave you wanting more
In each and every way
As I run down this empty street, it's only three, look at me. I'm kicking, dancing, screaming vulgarities, in the trashiest of streets. the trashiest of me, I am art on fire. I'm begging for a savior, I'm begging for salvation, I'm begging for anyone to hold me, I'm dying for vacation. I am alive, and I feel it so harsh. The freezing cold air is a friend of my lungs, breaking and shaking everything to be numb. I cannot contain these colorful emotions, in violent fits of rage. My body contorts, and thrash as I may, I'm ready for another day.
I am the screaming of the night
On a simple downtown street
I am the person you've always been in love with
I am the problem in the solution
I am the essence of confusion
I am the loud in the quiet
And the disgust in your face
And the sob before the sigh
I am running
I am screaming
I am crying
I am the sob
I am the determination
I am the fall
I am the broken heart
I can't contain it all
I'm the wind you're feeling
And the chill running down my spine
I'm the lonely
And the lie
I'm the faker
And I'm high
This is my life
This is every day
I'm going to leave you wanting more
In each and every way
As I run down this empty street, it's only three, look at me. I'm kicking, dancing, screaming vulgarities, in the trashiest of streets. the trashiest of me, I am art on fire. I'm begging for a savior, I'm begging for salvation, I'm begging for anyone to hold me, I'm dying for vacation. I am alive, and I feel it so harsh. The freezing cold air is a friend of my lungs, breaking and shaking everything to be numb. I cannot contain these colorful emotions, in violent fits of rage. My body contorts, and thrash as I may, I'm ready for another day.
See I wouldn't change my life, my life's just fine.
sweetcheeks99 said...
Sorry to shatter your perception, Sweetcheeks99 is VERY happy, content and lacks for nothing, has the best of everything without any drama whatsoever. Just likes to make "small stupid comments" LOL
You however have serious issues. ROFLMAO Be careful, I think Florida is the state with the Baker Act.
Yea...who the fuck says "ROFLMAO" am I supposed to be able to understand that?!?!? What the hell, okay so here's my thoughts on the newest worthless comment. Be prepared to be shut down bitch. you obviously are very happy, wanting to bring others down and make negative comments ALL THE TIME, you're as bad as chris crocker, quit the bitching already. Jesus. Also who cares if you have the best of everything??? This isn't high school the carla santinis in the white Lamborghinis don't scare me. How is that supposed to mean anything to me, the fact that you even put that out there makes you a pretentious little person vulnerable to any comments that happen to come your way. So fuck you, stop commenting if you're going to a cunt about everything I say. people like you are so annoying, you obviously still haven't moved past high school...and one more thing, did you pull the baker act out of your ass or what?!?! the baker act! unbelievable, go clean out your closet before you dare take a glance at mine. People like you are the reason I started this blog, please continue to follow it. When I finally make it to the top, you'll not only eat your words but probably a few gallons of ice cream while you wallow in your own pathetic loneliness. I'm living my life, and I wouldn't change it, cause my life's just fine. Fuck you.
Okay so now that I'm done fighting with anonymous internet retards lets move on to the real topic. I can ignore Judgment, it's really easy...watch me do it. I just blocked comments from stupid people. Ta! - Da! So anyways my life's just fine, I had a great night last night, I don't know whats on the agenda for tonight but I need to start working more towards a good job and I don't Quite know. I hope the IT guy can get me into a restaurant downtown. IDK he's trying. Today's a really good day, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm having a great day, and nobody's going to ruin it.
Sorry to shatter your perception, Sweetcheeks99 is VERY happy, content and lacks for nothing, has the best of everything without any drama whatsoever. Just likes to make "small stupid comments" LOL
You however have serious issues. ROFLMAO Be careful, I think Florida is the state with the Baker Act.
Yea...who the fuck says "ROFLMAO" am I supposed to be able to understand that?!?!? What the hell, okay so here's my thoughts on the newest worthless comment. Be prepared to be shut down bitch. you obviously are very happy, wanting to bring others down and make negative comments ALL THE TIME, you're as bad as chris crocker, quit the bitching already. Jesus. Also who cares if you have the best of everything??? This isn't high school the carla santinis in the white Lamborghinis don't scare me. How is that supposed to mean anything to me, the fact that you even put that out there makes you a pretentious little person vulnerable to any comments that happen to come your way. So fuck you, stop commenting if you're going to a cunt about everything I say. people like you are so annoying, you obviously still haven't moved past high school...and one more thing, did you pull the baker act out of your ass or what?!?! the baker act! unbelievable, go clean out your closet before you dare take a glance at mine. People like you are the reason I started this blog, please continue to follow it. When I finally make it to the top, you'll not only eat your words but probably a few gallons of ice cream while you wallow in your own pathetic loneliness. I'm living my life, and I wouldn't change it, cause my life's just fine. Fuck you.
Okay so now that I'm done fighting with anonymous internet retards lets move on to the real topic. I can ignore Judgment, it's really easy...watch me do it. I just blocked comments from stupid people. Ta! - Da! So anyways my life's just fine, I had a great night last night, I don't know whats on the agenda for tonight but I need to start working more towards a good job and I don't Quite know. I hope the IT guy can get me into a restaurant downtown. IDK he's trying. Today's a really good day, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I'm having a great day, and nobody's going to ruin it.
Out of this tragedy came clarity.
&&& For the first time in history, I'm beginning to see clarity, and why did I not see you before this? And Why did I not meet you before tonight? I mean, I did...but I didn't. I want to get to know you, because you're every quality you possess in my dreams and you're so much more than a lie. I want to get in on the inside. And I want to be a part of your future whether it's this, or a little more, possible less. I just want to be there, to see it unravel. You're nothing like all the others I've met. You're nothing like the lies I've heard. If you're a lie, you're so much better, and I want to hear you all the time. If you're truth. Well then I find you to be a lie, and if I'm deceived...I think I can handle the truth. You are my breath of fresh air, I've been begging for you for so long. You're the crash of the falls in the distance, and the rain in my face right now. You're the subtle breeze that's only clear to me, and you're the feeling things will go on somehow. You're the instant I realize I'm there, and the directions that brought me to it. You're the moment. And I'm ready for you right now.
Sweetcheeks99 likes to make small stupid comments, and sweetcheeks99 reads my blogs regularly, and I'm sorry that you think changing your screen name somehow makes you the winner. It doesn't. sweetcheeks99 obviously is unhappy with his/her own life. That's pathetic if I've ever heard it.
OHHHH and I still don't know what I'm going to say to the artist...it's starting to get in the way, but seriously, I feel like such an ass...almost as if I'm leading him on. I've never been good at break ups. And I'm sorry to do this right now. Ugh.
p.s. florida is beautiful, the day I find a full time steady job, I'm sure the sun will shine brighter, although if my nights could get any better than this, I think I might just not be able to handle it. For real the city is lit up, by you and me, and the stars seem to be burning brighter than ever. Let's go run on the beach, and waste an hour. We'll catch up with the rest in the morning.
I love and miss you carly♥jo I wish you were here with me RIGHT NOW. But you can't be and I understand, but just know....you're always on my mind.xoxo
Sweetcheeks99 likes to make small stupid comments, and sweetcheeks99 reads my blogs regularly, and I'm sorry that you think changing your screen name somehow makes you the winner. It doesn't. sweetcheeks99 obviously is unhappy with his/her own life. That's pathetic if I've ever heard it.
OHHHH and I still don't know what I'm going to say to the artist...it's starting to get in the way, but seriously, I feel like such an ass...almost as if I'm leading him on. I've never been good at break ups. And I'm sorry to do this right now. Ugh.
p.s. florida is beautiful, the day I find a full time steady job, I'm sure the sun will shine brighter, although if my nights could get any better than this, I think I might just not be able to handle it. For real the city is lit up, by you and me, and the stars seem to be burning brighter than ever. Let's go run on the beach, and waste an hour. We'll catch up with the rest in the morning.
I love and miss you carly♥jo I wish you were here with me RIGHT NOW. But you can't be and I understand, but just know....you're always on my mind.xoxo
Sunday, February 15, 2009
it's going to rain like never before.
I'm sick of being with you just to be with somebody, I'm sick of it I swear. I know we're not going to work but I know my options, you bought me valentines day stuff. And Now I don't want to say goodbye I feel like you need some time before I say anything. You see a future, I see a major problem. I see alot of major problems in my future. I also see a plane ticket but that's a different story. I fucked up, I realize this. It's so tough right now, I'm not really talking to my mother, she emailed me today because I didn't call her on valentines day. I'm the worst son in the world...I'm going to call her tonight and set things right... ughhh I need my mom but I hate that I need her. I'm seriously doing nothing productive with my life right now, and that's just it. I need to get back on track, now. today is not looking too bright for me, and it's about to rain.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
And you think I should go.
And I think I should go
Falling down in this parking lot,
Looking up to the sky
I see where my life is going
It's going home with this guy
I've only just met you
We've seen eachother for a week now
And it's scary this feeling you put on me
From all the rum and coke
And fantasy
It's a simple night
I'm a simple drunk
But I'm feeling so Low
Like even Jesus couldn't reach me
But he's there
Watching my breathing
Checking my pulse
I'm checking my exits
You're watching your lines
And I throw my vision to the sky
And see a cross in a cloud
It tells me
Everything will be okay
I'll realize the beauty in the lie tomorrow morning
When you're lying next to me
About me to your friends
Straight through your teeth to me
This position I'm in
Is everything and awkward
And you think I should go
I know you shouldn't be here
We've gone all too far
I've said all too much
I've got my mind made up
But you've got my heart
You've got me all wrong
In this Tangled up Mangled up
Picture we're in
Please don't remind me
Of the happenings of the night
I don't even know you
And you know I don't care to
Father, Father,
Please look down on your son
Help me, guide me, do anything but lie to me
And tell it's alright
Take me away from here
This color, this light
This decision, last night
Take me away from here
And give me clarity
of mind, of heart, of soul
I need to be gone from here
I think I should go.
Falling down in this parking lot,
Looking up to the sky
I see where my life is going
It's going home with this guy
I've only just met you
We've seen eachother for a week now
And it's scary this feeling you put on me
From all the rum and coke
And fantasy
It's a simple night
I'm a simple drunk
But I'm feeling so Low
Like even Jesus couldn't reach me
But he's there
Watching my breathing
Checking my pulse
I'm checking my exits
You're watching your lines
And I throw my vision to the sky
And see a cross in a cloud
It tells me
Everything will be okay
I'll realize the beauty in the lie tomorrow morning
When you're lying next to me
About me to your friends
Straight through your teeth to me
This position I'm in
Is everything and awkward
And you think I should go
I know you shouldn't be here
We've gone all too far
I've said all too much
I've got my mind made up
But you've got my heart
You've got me all wrong
In this Tangled up Mangled up
Picture we're in
Please don't remind me
Of the happenings of the night
I don't even know you
And you know I don't care to
Father, Father,
Please look down on your son
Help me, guide me, do anything but lie to me
And tell it's alright
Take me away from here
This color, this light
This decision, last night
Take me away from here
And give me clarity
of mind, of heart, of soul
I need to be gone from here
I think I should go.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I'm pathetic.
omg this blog has become so corrupt.
Another day
Another fight
I can't stand people who think they're awesome because nobody can see their face.
And you thought I was pathetic.
It's amazing how people can become so perverse.
Another day
Another fight
I can't stand people who think they're awesome because nobody can see their face.
And you thought I was pathetic.
It's amazing how people can become so perverse.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
I'm terrible.
Brock, I really like you, but we'll never work. I sabotage my own efforts to start relationships. Once it gets serious I get different or mean or alot of things. Most of all I get distant and will stop at nothing to get as far away from commitment as possible, I'm sorry I turned you against your best friend and I'm sorry that I don't want you. I do though. It's not you. It's me. You're adorable, not my type, fun and artistic. I'm none of those. The only thing I know how to do is play piano, and I suck at that. I'm sorry I've been thinking every night of how to tell you no. I'm sorry that you freaked me out. I'm sorry that you don't get me off. Period. I'm sorry that I'm such an asshole. You put a smile on my face and you make me giggle like high school. I just can't do this. I don't know when I ever will. Sorry.
It's whatever
So it's 330 am and I just woke up, I can't get back to sleep. I'll be out in a bit though I figured I would blog about a couple things though.
1| I never thought I could learn so much from just listening to my brother. Me and my brother Kip get along so well. There's just so much that I'm seeing now that's so different. I like it.
2| Some guys at work are trying to get with me, but in all honesty I want to get with the skater guy on the other side of nirvana ( our floor is called nirvana...right? )
3| Everyone at work wants to sit next to me, I'm cool with where I'm sitting but I wish the people who talk more would sit closer. My corner is boring. but my partner is funny as hell
4| I finally told my brother I think his girlfriend hates me. He assured me that was impossible and when he insisted I give him an answer I just said fuck it, don't bother. It was nice. I think I made my point. P.s. her speaker, is fine.
5| I still haven't called my mom, or anyone because I don't have a fone.
6| I don't know why the hell I'm doing this in list format.
7| I'm giving up on the other blog primarily because my room mates refuse to do it. And that's okay. I'll just do it myself.
8| I'm watching youtube...it's almost 4 damn it. Whatever, I'll chat at you bitches soon.
I need you to have blue eyes, I need them to be deep, I need them to be confusing, calm and soft. I want to get lost in them, I don't want to remember where I came from. I don't want to remember where we are. I don't want anything...but you. Cause you're the only one I want, you're the only one I need, you're the only thing that matters right now. I need you to be perfect.
1| I never thought I could learn so much from just listening to my brother. Me and my brother Kip get along so well. There's just so much that I'm seeing now that's so different. I like it.
2| Some guys at work are trying to get with me, but in all honesty I want to get with the skater guy on the other side of nirvana ( our floor is called nirvana...right? )
3| Everyone at work wants to sit next to me, I'm cool with where I'm sitting but I wish the people who talk more would sit closer. My corner is boring. but my partner is funny as hell
4| I finally told my brother I think his girlfriend hates me. He assured me that was impossible and when he insisted I give him an answer I just said fuck it, don't bother. It was nice. I think I made my point. P.s. her speaker, is fine.
5| I still haven't called my mom, or anyone because I don't have a fone.
6| I don't know why the hell I'm doing this in list format.
7| I'm giving up on the other blog primarily because my room mates refuse to do it. And that's okay. I'll just do it myself.
8| I'm watching youtube...it's almost 4 damn it. Whatever, I'll chat at you bitches soon.
I need you to have blue eyes, I need them to be deep, I need them to be confusing, calm and soft. I want to get lost in them, I don't want to remember where I came from. I don't want to remember where we are. I don't want anything...but you. Cause you're the only one I want, you're the only one I need, you're the only thing that matters right now. I need you to be perfect.
Monday, February 9, 2009
You are my heaven.
My room mates love to comment on my sex life, like Simon. Seriously.
You'll all be happy to know the date went well. However, there are some "things" about him. I'll just be honest before I left the house I didn't want to go on this date, he asked me before hand, if I was planning on spending the night in his dorm room, as there would be drinking at the party we were going to. I didn't want to. I thought it was a little forward but looking back at it, it was a precaution not an invitation. His bed is a single anyways haha. Okay so I didn't want to go but did anyways and had a really good time, we weren't drinking and the movie sucked. We went to "He's just not that into you" It had no real plot and it was pointless. But cute. And the whole time I'm thinking, really could this movie be any more of a sign and a handbook on how to tell this guy I'm not that into him. My god we hardly spoke before we went in, how could I know? So we went to the party and talked...alot. The party was pretty lame, but I was enjoying most of the conversation we were having. Turns out, I'm digging him but I still wasn't sure. The cops came. The cops left. We left like an hour later. After saying goodnight to everyone we went to his dorm room so I could meet his room mate, we ended up kissing, after the party. He's a really good and weird kisser. So we came to my apartment and sat outside in his car for a while, he had homework I had an interview, which by the way I skipped. So anyways we were making out hardcore, and I realized, he is pretty cute. Why are we making out so crazily on the first date, what happened to being the good guy. Whatever. So I tell him goodnight, the first is over. Tonight we were talking about making a huge mosaic because somebody found a dumpster full of cool tiles from some store that closed down, well we went together, dumpster diving and came back with a ton of carpet...I know right, and tile. So we end up on my bed once again making out and wrestling around hardcore. Dude, seriously. I don't want to have sex with him. I really don't, I want the classic 50's relationship where there's meeting, courtship, dating, a kiss, then whatever but none of this one night to love you shit. Ughhhh. I'm going to marry Damon Jacobs anyways, the author I mentioned early....If only he'd move to florida. Damn it. I''m so tired, it's 4am and I still have to do my room mates nursing homework. Blah.
I don't know what to think about this boy. He's too forward, but he's nice, and he's an artist. I need someone that's willing to be my man though. and I don't know if he's got it in him. P.s. I start work tomorrow and I'm so freaking excited, I love this new job, it's the first time in a long time that I've been so excited about work. I need a full time job though and there haven't been any awesome managers banging on my door, just the office people threatening to evict us. It's a thug life.
&&&I know it's longgggg but I've been listening to ron pope drop in the ocean like crazy and I keep having these dreams where this song is playing in the world and I'm walking by myself out onto jersey's shore and I'm all alone and there's nobody on the beach and it's like the beginning of winter, the skies are grey and it's so bland but this song is keeping me from falling out. I'm walking past this wood curb thing and I hear the piano so vividly. I keep thinking to myself in the dream about my life and how lonely I am and I get really upset because I know that my mother would never be proud of the things I've done and continue to do, and no mother ever would. I keep seeing my mothers face in my mind looking down on me and I mean like viewing me, not like staring down but anyways her face is just so innocently blank as though she's just a third party viewer, but it shows me that she's hurt because I know that if she's seeing my every minute, she's hurt, and saddened by my actions. This is where I'm going to stop writing. It's making me uncomfortable. Sometimes it just hurts too much to talk about.
Whatever happened to being that boy.
You'll all be happy to know the date went well. However, there are some "things" about him. I'll just be honest before I left the house I didn't want to go on this date, he asked me before hand, if I was planning on spending the night in his dorm room, as there would be drinking at the party we were going to. I didn't want to. I thought it was a little forward but looking back at it, it was a precaution not an invitation. His bed is a single anyways haha. Okay so I didn't want to go but did anyways and had a really good time, we weren't drinking and the movie sucked. We went to "He's just not that into you" It had no real plot and it was pointless. But cute. And the whole time I'm thinking, really could this movie be any more of a sign and a handbook on how to tell this guy I'm not that into him. My god we hardly spoke before we went in, how could I know? So we went to the party and talked...alot. The party was pretty lame, but I was enjoying most of the conversation we were having. Turns out, I'm digging him but I still wasn't sure. The cops came. The cops left. We left like an hour later. After saying goodnight to everyone we went to his dorm room so I could meet his room mate, we ended up kissing, after the party. He's a really good and weird kisser. So we came to my apartment and sat outside in his car for a while, he had homework I had an interview, which by the way I skipped. So anyways we were making out hardcore, and I realized, he is pretty cute. Why are we making out so crazily on the first date, what happened to being the good guy. Whatever. So I tell him goodnight, the first is over. Tonight we were talking about making a huge mosaic because somebody found a dumpster full of cool tiles from some store that closed down, well we went together, dumpster diving and came back with a ton of carpet...I know right, and tile. So we end up on my bed once again making out and wrestling around hardcore. Dude, seriously. I don't want to have sex with him. I really don't, I want the classic 50's relationship where there's meeting, courtship, dating, a kiss, then whatever but none of this one night to love you shit. Ughhhh. I'm going to marry Damon Jacobs anyways, the author I mentioned early....If only he'd move to florida. Damn it. I''m so tired, it's 4am and I still have to do my room mates nursing homework. Blah.
I don't know what to think about this boy. He's too forward, but he's nice, and he's an artist. I need someone that's willing to be my man though. and I don't know if he's got it in him. P.s. I start work tomorrow and I'm so freaking excited, I love this new job, it's the first time in a long time that I've been so excited about work. I need a full time job though and there haven't been any awesome managers banging on my door, just the office people threatening to evict us. It's a thug life.
&&&I know it's longgggg but I've been listening to ron pope drop in the ocean like crazy and I keep having these dreams where this song is playing in the world and I'm walking by myself out onto jersey's shore and I'm all alone and there's nobody on the beach and it's like the beginning of winter, the skies are grey and it's so bland but this song is keeping me from falling out. I'm walking past this wood curb thing and I hear the piano so vividly. I keep thinking to myself in the dream about my life and how lonely I am and I get really upset because I know that my mother would never be proud of the things I've done and continue to do, and no mother ever would. I keep seeing my mothers face in my mind looking down on me and I mean like viewing me, not like staring down but anyways her face is just so innocently blank as though she's just a third party viewer, but it shows me that she's hurt because I know that if she's seeing my every minute, she's hurt, and saddened by my actions. This is where I'm going to stop writing. It's making me uncomfortable. Sometimes it just hurts too much to talk about.
Whatever happened to being that boy.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Misheard lyrics and the cutie from myspace
Okay so the date went really well. I'll blog about him tomorrow but I misheard the lyrics to ron pope drop in the ocean, everyone should listen to it....just once and leave their interpretation of the lyrics without influence in the comment box. Just the first stanza, because it's driving me insane that I can't remember what I thought it said...
Goodnight world
But I'm holding you closer than most,
'Cause you are my heaven.
Goodnight world
But I'm holding you closer than most,
'Cause you are my heaven.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Goodbye Mr.Anonymous.
Dear Mr.Anonymous,
Please stop reading my blog.
xoxo Grey
So I've disabled anonymous comments because I'm not going to have people commenting what I write and giving me advice, if I wanted it I'd ask. Also I'm not going to have people suggesting what I should do, with my life, or with any situation. I don't appreciate it. I know who it is. And it pisses me off but whatever.
So anyways, sorry no more anonymous commenting, this blog is an accurate recollection of my everyday life, and if people want to read it fine. Judgments are not. I'm not too happy about it but whatever one person who feels they have some great anonymous power because they sit behind a keyboard and make judgments is nobody I care to impress. I'm not out to look good, just to feel good. Also the reason I'm posting this is because there's a comment on my last entry about the HACC school and whatever else. Sooooooo....you are all more than welcome to read it, I by no means am a coward, especially in an instance like this, sure anonymity can be fun, until it's intrusive. I'm leaving the comment up along with the blog, and any of you who feel the need to read it...please do. I do what I want...
Please stop reading my blog.
xoxo Grey
So I've disabled anonymous comments because I'm not going to have people commenting what I write and giving me advice, if I wanted it I'd ask. Also I'm not going to have people suggesting what I should do, with my life, or with any situation. I don't appreciate it. I know who it is. And it pisses me off but whatever.
So anyways, sorry no more anonymous commenting, this blog is an accurate recollection of my everyday life, and if people want to read it fine. Judgments are not. I'm not too happy about it but whatever one person who feels they have some great anonymous power because they sit behind a keyboard and make judgments is nobody I care to impress. I'm not out to look good, just to feel good. Also the reason I'm posting this is because there's a comment on my last entry about the HACC school and whatever else. Sooooooo....you are all more than welcome to read it, I by no means am a coward, especially in an instance like this, sure anonymity can be fun, until it's intrusive. I'm leaving the comment up along with the blog, and any of you who feel the need to read it...please do. I do what I want...
bring it on.
So I just got a letter from HACC the school I went to and dropped out of. yea so they write me this very thoughtful letter to say that I owe them 1,152 dollars, well guess what, I don't. So I was going to write them this letter, but I didn't have the chance, because the cowards don't post their emails on their website. Probably because of people like me.
For your reading pleasure:
Dear esteemed individuals in the HACC Student Accounts office,
I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for that well thought out and very sensitively threatening letter. It was touching, I'm in a new apartment, a new state, a new everything, it's nice to know I still have friends like you to send me letters in the mail. And I was expecting a W-2, which I never got. Thanks though. Thank you for the threat to put my account into collections because I owe you over a thousand dollars. I don't know what you're planning to collect. I guess the plan was just to destroy my credit which surprisingly enough, is non-existent. Go figure. I'm not going to pay you this large sum of money, reason being; I don't owe it. I never borrowed any money from you, I paid for everything I ever received from your terribly run school in cash, or by check. Unless you have some check for 1,000 dollars that I don't know about, to the best of my recollection I don't owe you any money. Go ahead and put my account in collections, I need the money anyways and a court case for harassment is a great idea to make some. You're sending me legal threats by mail. Your school is run by bigots who think they also run the world, who never communicate and apparently steal money. Where did the cash and checks I paid go? In your pocket? I won't pay it. Here's my written statement, I will not pay this money. Why didn't you call me or send me previous notifications? Are you running low on money? What's the story? I don't owe your sad excuse for a school anything if anything you owe me months and a large sum of money that I wasted on classes that were so promising. This is bullshit, and I hope you find this letter offensive, because I find legal threats in my mailbox a little intrusive. Like I said I will not pay this money, and for all I care throw my account into collections. Tell Craig Davis I said hi! He's probably the one who stole my money after all I did pay twice for one semester and pay the registration fees three times. Tell him I want my money back. You truly are a sorry excuse for a school. Thanks so much. XOXO Love Grey!
Yea isn't that joyous. I don't owe them anything. I never have, I worked hard for that money and I won't put another dime into that shitty school. God. but hey good news, I'm still cute and I have a date tonight...In a couple hours actually ohhhh boy.
For your reading pleasure:
Dear esteemed individuals in the HACC Student Accounts office,
I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for that well thought out and very sensitively threatening letter. It was touching, I'm in a new apartment, a new state, a new everything, it's nice to know I still have friends like you to send me letters in the mail. And I was expecting a W-2, which I never got. Thanks though. Thank you for the threat to put my account into collections because I owe you over a thousand dollars. I don't know what you're planning to collect. I guess the plan was just to destroy my credit which surprisingly enough, is non-existent. Go figure. I'm not going to pay you this large sum of money, reason being; I don't owe it. I never borrowed any money from you, I paid for everything I ever received from your terribly run school in cash, or by check. Unless you have some check for 1,000 dollars that I don't know about, to the best of my recollection I don't owe you any money. Go ahead and put my account in collections, I need the money anyways and a court case for harassment is a great idea to make some. You're sending me legal threats by mail. Your school is run by bigots who think they also run the world, who never communicate and apparently steal money. Where did the cash and checks I paid go? In your pocket? I won't pay it. Here's my written statement, I will not pay this money. Why didn't you call me or send me previous notifications? Are you running low on money? What's the story? I don't owe your sad excuse for a school anything if anything you owe me months and a large sum of money that I wasted on classes that were so promising. This is bullshit, and I hope you find this letter offensive, because I find legal threats in my mailbox a little intrusive. Like I said I will not pay this money, and for all I care throw my account into collections. Tell Craig Davis I said hi! He's probably the one who stole my money after all I did pay twice for one semester and pay the registration fees three times. Tell him I want my money back. You truly are a sorry excuse for a school. Thanks so much. XOXO Love Grey!
Yea isn't that joyous. I don't owe them anything. I never have, I worked hard for that money and I won't put another dime into that shitty school. God. but hey good news, I'm still cute and I have a date tonight...In a couple hours actually ohhhh boy.
Friday, February 6, 2009
what now
My phone broke
I can get my emt switched over
I lost everybody's number email and address
I lost all my bank statements and numerous important documents
I can't wait to call michele and charr tomorrow
I don't have cancer
I have to get surgery
and I'm kinda a healthy boy...what happened to the boy in the pictures?
I have a cyst on my testicle, it's big, and I have to have it removed. I'm not going to regret a thing...it's a necessity, you try living with a growth on your testicle and tell me you wouldn't want it removed.
I'm excited about life I have a whole new outlook.
I can get my emt switched over
I lost everybody's number email and address
I lost all my bank statements and numerous important documents
I can't wait to call michele and charr tomorrow
I don't have cancer
I have to get surgery
and I'm kinda a healthy boy...what happened to the boy in the pictures?
I have a cyst on my testicle, it's big, and I have to have it removed. I'm not going to regret a thing...it's a necessity, you try living with a growth on your testicle and tell me you wouldn't want it removed.
I'm excited about life I have a whole new outlook.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
because im not fucking allowed.
Okay so I blog a little angry sometimes. Big deal. I like to get a little wild with my words some times. This is one of those times.
I AM FUCKING READY TO BUY A PLANE TICKET BACK TO P.A.
No joke, I would get on a plane right now.
Cause I'm going to kick some ass. I'm talking to the boy, so everythings okay now...but five minutes ago I was ready to fuck some people up via blogger. I might even do it later...idk
fuck you.
I AM FUCKING READY TO BUY A PLANE TICKET BACK TO P.A.
No joke, I would get on a plane right now.
Cause I'm going to kick some ass. I'm talking to the boy, so everythings okay now...but five minutes ago I was ready to fuck some people up via blogger. I might even do it later...idk
fuck you.
peace out
Did I already post today? Damn it I can't even think straight today, it's 5:30 and I've just now actually showered. God I'm such a bum. So I met this guy named Brock. He's really cute and we're going out on Friday. He wants to do movie and a party, I'm game. I can't smoke around him, because he finds cigarettes gross and detrimental, ya ya ya, well who doesn't. Seriously. Hopefully he'll be my new reason to quit, everybody's like oh well you have to quit for you and not for somebody else, yea well that's a load of bullshit, if it wasn't for other people telling you how bad it is for you, you'd never quit in the first place. And on top of that if it was all about quitting for you, if you value yourself that much you'd have never started. That's just the way I see it. So anyways, im video chatting w mitchell so peace out
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
omg
I post wayyy too often these days
I'm talking to my ex boyfriend, the police officer. I was such a dick to him, the break up was terrible. But he bought me a Gold Chain with an EMS emblem on it. How sweet is that? I never got it because they last few days I was around, he was too busy to see me when it was convenient for me. And so I blew him off and never said goodbye, I actually told him I left a couple days before I really did because I was so mad I couldn't even bear to see him. Ugh. FML
I'm talking to my ex boyfriend, the police officer. I was such a dick to him, the break up was terrible. But he bought me a Gold Chain with an EMS emblem on it. How sweet is that? I never got it because they last few days I was around, he was too busy to see me when it was convenient for me. And so I blew him off and never said goodbye, I actually told him I left a couple days before I really did because I was so mad I couldn't even bear to see him. Ugh. FML
Another day in Florida
I'm not in the mood for anything today seriously. No shit today. I can't fucking handle it. And Mr. Anonymous, I'm not mad I really like your comments, I don't care if people discuss my blog in the comments, there's a certain mask that comes with it. I'm not saying you do, And I don't know why I'm trying to justify my blog just keep commenting. I don't care.
I am posting way too often
Once again, it's the middle of the night. I've had one hell of a night. I need to watch my mouth. So anyways here's the things I've accomplished tonight;
I've been the bigger man
I've turned into the worst driver ever
I've contemplated buying a plane ticket
I've almost cried...almost. I'm learning to control my emotions
I've given into some of my worst vices
I've eaten an entire box of little debbie's
I've been depressed about it
I've freaked out at my bank balance
I've wondered why I'm still unemployed
I've looked back at really great memories
I've though about going north and going back to my old job
I've realized...people are avoiding me
I've been an asshole
I've had privileges taken away in the form of a substitute father apparently
I've been shocked
&&& I've been mad as hell.
So moving on, I'm a rethinking every damn move I've made in the past few weeks, I'm ready to go back to PA. I hate my brothers girlfriend OMG she's so stupid. I just think she's a bitch. A very stupid bitch, and don't even criticize what I have to say, if I think she's a stupid bitch and that offends you, then stop fucking reading. I have the right to say whatever the hell I want; this is my blog, and this is exactly why I made it. Okay so anyways we went to Walmart, I was the safe driver. Okay so here's the back story I had 3 hoodies in the back of my brothers girlfriends car, and I accidentally blew the speaker on the driver side...don't ask me how, I imagine it was the loud music I blare because if it isn't painful...it's not loud enough. Okay so we get to Walmart, everything is fine, on the way there though she's all paranoid because I'm going 5 over the speed limit. Are you serious right now? Not kidding. Clarification: 5 Miles Per Hour, or MPH yes for real, 5 over, big freakin whoop. Yea okay so then we make it to check out and she goes out to the car leaving me and my brother to pay. I knew something was up. Okay so he says he needs to talk to me for a sec, we walk out grab our smokes light up and he starts talking. This is what he had to say, Because I "Trashed her car, Blew her speaker and drive all crazy with her car" I am no longer allowed to drive it on my own. Fuck that. This coming from the guy who has no license, drives after drinking, spins fucking donuts in her car and she loves it, whips it around on the road and just generally drives like a fucking retard. Okay so just remember I do have a license. Seriously I'm being judged on what fucking scale, Of course I'm not going to fight it, what the fuck and I going to say, it's not fair? Seriously, I'm just like whatever. So I just passively agreed and Imagined myself breaking furniture, which did nothing near calm me down. I was so angry I wanted to fucking scream in his face for all the times that I didn't do shit and got fucking screamed at. OMG I hated my childhood. It sucked, this is the family I have? Way to fucking have my fucking back. OMG I am like uncontrollably angry right now, And of course it's one of those things, Oh well I'm over reacting. Fucking deal with this for as long as I have, seriously. I was so ready to fucking rip her out of the car and scream in her face, "What the fuck are you thinking?!?!? I'm more dangerous that THIS?!?!?" but I'm a good sibling, wouldn't do that. I'm just not that big of an asshole. I wish I could be though. Well I need to get a job, get a place of my own and get the fuck out from under anyone else's fucking reign. Jesus Christ I just don't understand why I can't just be in full control of my life. The Gods hate me, they totally just love to fuck with me, just because they can. I swear it's like bad karma or something. Okay so this is just one of the many reasons why I'm thinking about going home, that and I can't afford to quench my room mates thirst and still quench my own. He never bought the drinks he was supposed to 60$ worth and I've bought atleast 30 40 worth of soda, that he drank. What the fuck. I have like a mini pantry in my fuckin closet now. Yea I feel like a retard stashing away food to keep it from this guy. I'm being rude tonight. I have alot on my mind, biggest thing...abort mission or stay, I'm looking more towards stay, think about it, what do I have to go back to? Allentown, Just spin my fucking tires some more? No thanks. It's time for bed. I'm sick of apologizing. Damn it. Goodnight
I've been the bigger man
I've turned into the worst driver ever
I've contemplated buying a plane ticket
I've almost cried...almost. I'm learning to control my emotions
I've given into some of my worst vices
I've eaten an entire box of little debbie's
I've been depressed about it
I've freaked out at my bank balance
I've wondered why I'm still unemployed
I've looked back at really great memories
I've though about going north and going back to my old job
I've realized...people are avoiding me
I've been an asshole
I've had privileges taken away in the form of a substitute father apparently
I've been shocked
&&& I've been mad as hell.
So moving on, I'm a rethinking every damn move I've made in the past few weeks, I'm ready to go back to PA. I hate my brothers girlfriend OMG she's so stupid. I just think she's a bitch. A very stupid bitch, and don't even criticize what I have to say, if I think she's a stupid bitch and that offends you, then stop fucking reading. I have the right to say whatever the hell I want; this is my blog, and this is exactly why I made it. Okay so anyways we went to Walmart, I was the safe driver. Okay so here's the back story I had 3 hoodies in the back of my brothers girlfriends car, and I accidentally blew the speaker on the driver side...don't ask me how, I imagine it was the loud music I blare because if it isn't painful...it's not loud enough. Okay so we get to Walmart, everything is fine, on the way there though she's all paranoid because I'm going 5 over the speed limit. Are you serious right now? Not kidding. Clarification: 5 Miles Per Hour, or MPH yes for real, 5 over, big freakin whoop. Yea okay so then we make it to check out and she goes out to the car leaving me and my brother to pay. I knew something was up. Okay so he says he needs to talk to me for a sec, we walk out grab our smokes light up and he starts talking. This is what he had to say, Because I "Trashed her car, Blew her speaker and drive all crazy with her car" I am no longer allowed to drive it on my own. Fuck that. This coming from the guy who has no license, drives after drinking, spins fucking donuts in her car and she loves it, whips it around on the road and just generally drives like a fucking retard. Okay so just remember I do have a license. Seriously I'm being judged on what fucking scale, Of course I'm not going to fight it, what the fuck and I going to say, it's not fair? Seriously, I'm just like whatever. So I just passively agreed and Imagined myself breaking furniture, which did nothing near calm me down. I was so angry I wanted to fucking scream in his face for all the times that I didn't do shit and got fucking screamed at. OMG I hated my childhood. It sucked, this is the family I have? Way to fucking have my fucking back. OMG I am like uncontrollably angry right now, And of course it's one of those things, Oh well I'm over reacting. Fucking deal with this for as long as I have, seriously. I was so ready to fucking rip her out of the car and scream in her face, "What the fuck are you thinking?!?!? I'm more dangerous that THIS?!?!?" but I'm a good sibling, wouldn't do that. I'm just not that big of an asshole. I wish I could be though. Well I need to get a job, get a place of my own and get the fuck out from under anyone else's fucking reign. Jesus Christ I just don't understand why I can't just be in full control of my life. The Gods hate me, they totally just love to fuck with me, just because they can. I swear it's like bad karma or something. Okay so this is just one of the many reasons why I'm thinking about going home, that and I can't afford to quench my room mates thirst and still quench my own. He never bought the drinks he was supposed to 60$ worth and I've bought atleast 30 40 worth of soda, that he drank. What the fuck. I have like a mini pantry in my fuckin closet now. Yea I feel like a retard stashing away food to keep it from this guy. I'm being rude tonight. I have alot on my mind, biggest thing...abort mission or stay, I'm looking more towards stay, think about it, what do I have to go back to? Allentown, Just spin my fucking tires some more? No thanks. It's time for bed. I'm sick of apologizing. Damn it. Goodnight
Monday, February 2, 2009
let's play twister and have a damn good time.
So somebody who goes by the name Mr. Anonymous, started commenting on my blogs. I don't discuss my blog, anyone who has personally asked me to read my blog or that has read my earlier posts know, I don't discuss it, I won't discuss it, it's just a personal choice. Anyways, These comments intrigue me, it's weird but really, they interest me. Also to those of you who care, I'm going to pick up a copy of absolutely should-less tonight by Damon L Jacobs...It looks like shit I have to be honest.
Oh shut up I'm only joking, go buy it. I haven't read it yet but I'm sure it's great, the authors really cute.
p.s. I've been replying to your comments
you.betta.work.
Oh shut up I'm only joking, go buy it. I haven't read it yet but I'm sure it's great, the authors really cute.
p.s. I've been replying to your comments
you.betta.work.
Discrimination went out in the 90's
So I ran a red light today, my ticket will arrive in the mail any day now, I'll be a jail bitch, and my life will be over. God. So anyways I went to lunch today with Becca from Fla, we had a good time, then we went back to her apt to smoke cigarettes and laugh...and we did.
I masturbate to the target catalog. I'm kidding, but I could probably get off to Dolce & Gabbanna, or Fendi ads. I just love it. I'm by now means a designer whore, but let's face it there's always a certain romance in them. The models always have like that certain twinkle in their eye. I get off on love, and I don't care if you know it.
Call me Mr.Vain.
Sometimes I'm disappointed by the people I hold so close, I never say anything though. And for some reason, I freak out when they are just the slightest bit disappointed in me. It's weird I know.
Oh and I bought a mountain dew today, and I'm drinking it now. It's sad but to be honest with you, everyone has their vices and I fucking felt like doing it, so I did. I'll face the world sober someday.
I masturbate to the target catalog. I'm kidding, but I could probably get off to Dolce & Gabbanna, or Fendi ads. I just love it. I'm by now means a designer whore, but let's face it there's always a certain romance in them. The models always have like that certain twinkle in their eye. I get off on love, and I don't care if you know it.
Call me Mr.Vain.
Sometimes I'm disappointed by the people I hold so close, I never say anything though. And for some reason, I freak out when they are just the slightest bit disappointed in me. It's weird I know.
Oh and I bought a mountain dew today, and I'm drinking it now. It's sad but to be honest with you, everyone has their vices and I fucking felt like doing it, so I did. I'll face the world sober someday.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
boyfriend or an asian maid
OKay so one last post then I'm watching milk and going to bed. I have to go to work tomorrow.
Okay so, I need a boyfriend or an asian maid. here's why;
Because I can't wake up in the morning if I had an asian maid, she could scream in my ear every morning, don't ask me why she has to be asian.
And if I had a boyfriend, he could wake me up with sweet tender kisses, or aggressive sex I guess I'll be in the mood for whatever he's having kind of a thing.
I think they both bring something unique to the table, asian-ness and love that i pay for.
I know random, but I'm probably going to miss work tomorrow on account of the fact that I have neither, and that's not an easy thing to tell your boss.
Okay so, I need a boyfriend or an asian maid. here's why;
Because I can't wake up in the morning if I had an asian maid, she could scream in my ear every morning, don't ask me why she has to be asian.
And if I had a boyfriend, he could wake me up with sweet tender kisses, or aggressive sex I guess I'll be in the mood for whatever he's having kind of a thing.
I think they both bring something unique to the table, asian-ness and love that i pay for.
I know random, but I'm probably going to miss work tomorrow on account of the fact that I have neither, and that's not an easy thing to tell your boss.
im a good typer in this kinda condition
Seriously carrying a wallet is not that bad. check out the Slimclip for real
Am I the only gay guy alive who loves the movie shelter?!?!?!?
I SWEAR.
Sorry this blog is all over the place, I don't dare to drive and I probably smell like a brewery...wow.
Sooo anyways in this blog I was going to write some awesome excerpt from my book but I don't feel up to it. I just don't, it doesn't seem like a good idea. At least not right now maybe when I have alot more of it finished. So anyways it's coming along nicely. It really is, I'm liking it so far.
Tomorrow I'm quitting smoking...isn't that exciting? I know, pretty soon I'll be a smoke free son of a gun. Jesus that made no sense. I'm talking to my exes on AOL. jesus. Oh god.
Am I the only gay guy alive who loves the movie shelter?!?!?!?
I SWEAR.
Sorry this blog is all over the place, I don't dare to drive and I probably smell like a brewery...wow.
Sooo anyways in this blog I was going to write some awesome excerpt from my book but I don't feel up to it. I just don't, it doesn't seem like a good idea. At least not right now maybe when I have alot more of it finished. So anyways it's coming along nicely. It really is, I'm liking it so far.
Tomorrow I'm quitting smoking...isn't that exciting? I know, pretty soon I'll be a smoke free son of a gun. Jesus that made no sense. I'm talking to my exes on AOL. jesus. Oh god.
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