it's like eighty pages

I've got a list a mile long of things I need to get done this week. It's going to be busy. I'm smoking as we speak...so much for quitting. So I don't feel like I'm as sad as usual. I feel like I'm just confused. I hope shit starts to get better I'm working out a plan for the future. Just some things I would like to accomplish. I'm still thinking and living in the moment though. Atleast I like to think so. i'm too spontaneous to need a plan everyday. P.s. I cleaned up shit again for hours the other day... it was tons of fun. Anyways like I said I'm just looking into and planning some options to do along the way. This life is too fucking short to not do what you want to. If everybody just did whatever the hell the felt like. The world would be a much happier place. I've got to admit though, I'm never happier than I am when I'm just doing random shit with friends. Running through the woods, exploring a city at 3am, going to a diner and spending my last 1.15 on a coffee and a shitty novel. I'm serious. I think it's all about the little things. I always have. Which brings me to my next point. I've got two things I want to do RIGHT NOW. actually I'll just put a list here;
I want to run, run away, far far away.
I want to finally start my business and I will
I want to travel which might mean joining the peace corps
I want to move out. &&& I'm going to
I want peace. I might not find it but I sure as hell will fight until I find whatever the hell it is I can find. I don't know if I'll ever find what I'm looking for but why stop looking?
Why stop bitching? There is no why. That's why I won't.
Which brings me to my next point....(this is where the blog gets a little deep)
Does there always have to be a why? I've gone without knowing the why's for long enough and even though I might not be content with that it's the way it is. The word contentment has nothing to do with the words adventure or journey. Contentment isn't finding the top of the hill. Contentment is finding. So I'm okay with not knowing why, I'll never be content, who the fuck cares why, it's still an adventure. I'm ready to run to the shores of florida and live off the coast. I'm prepared to do so. Find someone, splurge on some shitty shack and spend everyday building up what will eventually be our kingdom where things can branch out from. Just because it's not pretty doesn't mean it can't be. I'm ready to start an adventure with someone just like me. A little bit of wit, maybe some promise, some potential, a big heart, a giant imagination that loves to sneak away and some sort of sense of adventure. I'm ready;
to experience
to love
to enjoy
to smile
to live everyday like I won't get another
to tell my secrets
to let it in
to let it out
to stand my ground
and most of all



I'm ready to run. not sure why. doesn't really matter, because I am


ready to run!it's it