rain is such a bitch

so I stopped working on my new book. Whatever. Dave thomas inspires me to learn the accordion and I need to call walmart tmr and go to lykens to get a new laptop...shit. So I have a job that pays shit. Whatever this is the shit blog. Life is okay. I'm kinda down about living in my mothers house even though I've lived here longer. My "v" Key is driving me literally insane and the fact that blogger keeps freezing is doing the same. damn you blogger. Okay so anyways I wasted today after work I wanted to go do shit but my mom wanted to waste my time...eh whatever. okay so next topic. I don't know what to talk about. jesus christ my blogs are never inspiring I wish I could be more inspiring to you all...but I'm sorry I just can't be. Besides this blog isn't made for your inspiration. it's made for me to bitch. All the time. It's what I live for and it's the only thing I continuously ish update FUCK BLOGGER okay so I'm still overdrawn and unless I come up with 72.74 by tomorrow my account is going into collections on thurs at 1am and by business hours thurs the only credit I have will be fucked to shit which means I am going to have a bad credit score that I will of course have to work my life away at fixing for the rest of my life because my mother made the selfless decision to force me to move back. fuck. now I'm in a bad mood. Whatever. I'm in such a bad mood now and it's affecting my typing skills. It's just depressing ya know? I'm up here struggling...again spinning the same god damn tires I always have. Idk I guess it's more frustrating than depressing only because I feel like I shouldn't be here there's more that I could be doing with my wonderful lack of potential. PAUSE I just got yelled at for leaving the stove on. Whatever I wanted eggs so I made like a dozen and ate them. They were quite delicious. I do enjoy me some eggs. Okay so I'm freezing on my front porch for the sake of a cigarette blog. yea fuck quitting. leave me a comment on this blog tell me something. anything. if you don't feel like it then fuck you I don't want your nasty comments anyway skank wad. I missed cigarettes. ohh and p.s. I need a fucking sewing machine so send me one now before I lose interest in love. I enjoy time alone. Lately it's been sad tho. accordion music is so god damned soothing tho I tell ya it is. I'm finally going out again this thurs. I want to dance my ass off & look retarded which is okay by me why? Because I am the cigarette writer. here's my priorities tonight.
Sewing machine
Accordian
Make stuff
Make magic
get my taxs done. sorry IRS suck my balls. and wallow in being money less...and owing them money
Plan shit I don't have money for.
Write a spontaneous poem


In this soft I feel you
In this lonely I yell your name
I cannot find you
Profained claims
Of glory.
I find you in the black keys
My inspiration hidden so minor
I lose you in the white keys
Dancing behind the major
The thick and reminiscent melody
I search for you the most
You're dancing in your sanctuary
The music let's you free
You're hiding in your sanity
This silence holds you still
And yet you speak to me
Just as the black keys
They cry to me
Please!
No longer can you run this maze
This forrest
This darkness
This thickening haze
This broken dream
This sharp reality
Let us free from this melodic melody
Let us fill the skies
As you harmonize
Break this trance
thirs rythm this rhyme
this broken silhouette of time
You've held on to this line
This lyric
This fine.....fine fine music
The music that let's you flow and breathe and move and she's
So beautiful when she dances
Spinning and grasping
For nothing, just air
Letting herself be free in the breeze
She tells me in a story line
Rhyming and timing each line to shine
Like gold
Please hold me
Support me
See me
Free me
I've been a victim, a prisoner of this melody for so long
I need new life
New air
New everything
New song.
Give me a new song to sing
Give me a new life to live
Let me go high upon the ocean breeze
Let me dance among the leaves of trees
Take me to the coast she says
I want to feel the air
I feel that I can breathe there.
But I have nothing left to give you.
No pockets filled with gold
This lyric is empty this song is old
The curtains have closed
On the show that once was
The audience has left now
They left without applause
The orchestra has faded
Into a subtle hue
And any magic once held here
Has left only you
You must be my music
You must be my inspiration
In the keys of this empty piano
It's broken, out of tune
I must run, I must search
I must fine you!
You are what I'm looking for
My crecendo
My chorus
My magic
My lights
You my dear
In all your sublties
You must be my life
I will search for you in the white
I will find you in the black
I must write you to a page
The conductor must come back
The balconies will fill
With young and old alike
To see my vanity
My amelie
To hear of this, my life.
The lights will return
The music will again fill this room
The dark shiver
Of loneliness
No longer welcome here
Come crowds
Come world
Come air, sweet air to fill this poetic room
Come see what has begun
Come see what I've become
Come see what I have found
Come see what I have done





wow. okay one down. Maybe just the longest thing I've written in forever. I feel better. Kisses. xoxo