Please chose logic...again

Somedays, I remember things I don't want to remember like walking down the hallways in my childhood church, colors, feelings, memories running through my head. Sometimes I wake up and think he's in the next room. Sometimes it just happens to be a great opportunity for a breakdown. Anyways as for my usual "thing to say" I had somebody scam me, and I won. I beat their stupid plan to make money off another person who doesn't pay attention to their credit slip, anyone who knows me knows I don't care about any of that shit. well it made it past my radar, for like a minute. And I called them and threatened them with a lawsuit and all is made right but I have to get a new card. God! I hate being incovenienced. Another problem I have, today is not the day okay, it hasn't been the day since I woke up this morning. Well I can't stand people who judge, even a little, because it's like, what right do you have? So anyways I had someone say to me "Your life is far from catastrohpe" I don't care if you think my life is perfect. Fuck you. I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of my life, I find my life to be one catastrophe after another. It's one big clusterfuck of shit. Most people who track this blog can say well yea greysons plumbing went to shit this morning, or he hit a deer yesterday. Everyday is something new. Like today I found out someone very close to me, who I love very much is very sick and dying. It's hard to imagine life without them. It's something I don't want to talk about, but for those of you who find my life better than what I make it...There's todays issue, now blow it out your ass, or keep reading. I don't care. Think about this, I'm 18 years old and I've lost more than you probably can fathom. I realize nobody has the perfect life and I know that I'm not the worst case scenario either but the fact is This blog is mine, to write about whatever the fuck I want and I want the respect from my readers that I don't get from therapists. I have had a million therapists tell me what my life is, trust me I've been analyzed. and analyzed. and analyzed. I don't need another therapist and I certainly don't need this shit. I'll continue to write I just don't know how much is going to be public. I'm never going to censor what I write I'm just going to do some thinking... I need some time....

In other news, I'll be working tonight, I spent the day with my co workers, her family, my family, hospital staff, and the plumber. I'll be working till two and travis is teasing the shit out of me. The problem is the fact that I have no idea what the fuck is happening in his head, and I just want to tell him what's up I just know it would be a bad idea. I wouldn't even know what to say. I really wouldn't, I like him so much, it's just confusing and of course the fill in won't quit texting me, apologizing and fighting with me because I told him I haven't done cocaine in a while. I guess after knowing someone for a month you get the right to get angry at them for past offenses. What the fuck? Like who's business is my life anymore? I feel like I have to have everything edited and re read before I send it over to the real world for more critisism where all my dreams await me