bitch

I'm going to post all the emails you sent me, just cause you're a cunt and prank calling me right now. k. get ready folks.

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i do have better friends. in fact, i'd go as far as to say that Hitler((must be she personally knows hitler???)) would be a better friend to me than you are right now, than you've been for months.

the problem isn't me being insecure, because i'm not anymore. the problem isn't that i'm jealous, because i'm not that anymore either. the problem is i'm INSANE, i've had professionals tell me. YOU overanalyzed. YOU assumed. and YOU were immature.

you wouldn't know high road if it bit you in your face.

((I don't even use the expression high road....stoners do))


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***keep calling you'll regret it when you read this. Bitch***


sorry to stalk you. =P

but is everything okay? i can't help but feel that you might be upset at something i said? or is it something else? sorry to bug you but i just thought i'd ask.

whatever it is, i hope you're okay and i'm here if you need to talk.

((obsession?))

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Subject: well, congradulations ((great vocab btw))


this is probably the dumbest decision you've made thus far.
please don't ever contact me again.
and you can leave those paintings with carly,((the vangohs))
i'd rather get them from her than not get them at all.
that is, if you haven't destroyed them.((idk wtf they are lol))
which has been sitting in the back of my mind since the day
you destroyed my mug.((awwwww shouldn't have given it back))
and you know what? you're right, i did make better friends.
much better friends, than you could have possibly been to me.((boo hoo bitch))
goodbye, and good riddens.

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so, this is your final chance to tell me exactly what the fuck is going on, why you had to contact me about something i already knew, after blatantly informing me that i no longer hold a place in your life. (( she called me on "accident" and I told her to leave me alone, I called her?))((let's admit we have a problem))

if your answer is because you just wanted to remind me about the paintings, that you seriously never want anything to do with me again, then don't even reply to this, don't waste your time. and if that is the case, then it's fine, but i'm walking away if it is, and from that point on it will have been wayyy too late for you to ever change your mind.((the vangohs, lots of money, for shit on canvas?))

but if there is something else there, i would strongly suggest that you tell me. you don't have to be specific, but you should at least let me know so i'm not left completely in the dark with nothing but a used match.
i may not deserve your friendship((true story!))
but i certainly do deserve respect, and the truth- for once.
((why does truth have a dash???))
[if you need time, i'm obviously willing to comply
because i definitely was complying, until this little incident. i just want you to grow up, and tell me, instead of cowering behind your striking ability to be quiet, and ignore people.]
((wtf is with the brackets? and ignore people? I thought I was supposed to not contact her))

if you choose to keep up with this little charade, (( sounds like ))
this little cat and mouse game that you think i am oblivious to, if that's what this is,
you will seriously lose me as a friend, forever. (( OLD NEWS ))
and by forever i don't mean for the next two months
or the next twenty years
i mean 'you can be on your death bed at the age of 96, and i will be in Tahiti, sipping lemonade, far away from you' forever.((tahiti? spelled wrong, and she means ulysses sipping miller lite painting pictures of her cousin/husband mowing the lawn))
that could be good or bad for you
i really don't know, that's why i am sending you this message.
and it's why i'm still up at 2 in the morning.
((oh god not the 2am line!))
this is not a threat or a ploy,(( no never threats...never))
and this is not me begging you for your friendship (( wink wink))
because- in all honesty, you're never going to be my best friend again.(( shame))
but this is me giving you a chance to be my friend. ((what a prize at that))
one more chance, for me to not hate you.(( see all the fun we could have?!?!))
to step outside of my own comfort shell, one last time, as a sinning human being full of anger and pain, to be the bigger person, to not allow what has happened to me to take away my ability to forgive, and to love everyone with equal fashion.
this is me warning you that you are so close to pushing me all the way out the door, where i will leave and never, ever come back again- because i am honestly at the end of my rope with this mess and i'd rather just be done with it or on with it instead of waiting around for you to get your head out of your ass.
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THE INFAMOUS NOVEL AS CARLY & I CALL IT


so you don't have to read this.((rightttttttttt))
if you do, i'll know that you at least care a little bit, that i wasn't completely wrong about you- and if you don't, it will let me know that i'm not losing much.

it's a win win situation for me, i guess.
i know you're not used to me being optimistic but i kind of have to in this situation. it's a part of me that i'm working on, and so far it's worked, for the most part.

i just want, first of all, to apologize. i've always tried really hard not to stoop to your level [no offense]((of course not)) but i did, in that voicemail, and it was a mistake to cut you out of my life. that might be what you want for yourself, or me, but it's just not what i want. if i could change my feelings, i would, but i can't. i love you, you asshole. hah. jesus. not in that way, but i genuinely love you as a person, and i miss you as a friend. that's unfortunately one part of me that i don't have the strength to alter, because- believe me- i've tried. no matter what i say, i know my door will always be open if you need that.
i haven't listened to a single teb song again, since the fourth of july. dead serious. i just can't.

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i love you, whether or not you ever speak to me again. i love you so much that i think i might live in denial for the rest of my life, that you might be getting back to me. just know that, as fucked up as i happen to be, if anyone ever tells you you're incapable of something or not mature enough, or not good enough, that i'd tell him or her to go fuck themselves, you're the best friend i've had and you can do anything you set your mind to.

im getting a tattoo too, but i dont think i want to tell you what it is. i think i'll leave that in fate's hands.
((it's probably my face on her tit or something))
love always,
amanda

((creep ass and no I didn't exxxxxxxxxxxagerate the length at all"
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HAHAHA I HAVE NO COMMENTARY FOR THIS ONE I JUST CAN'T





i'm really sorry for contacting you.
i just woke up with the fear -rational or not-
that when this two months has passed,
you'll have nothing to do with me
and blame God for it, because it's the easier thing to do
so whatever. i dont know, sorry for being nuts
and if you don't contact me, then that's all good
i think this break would be a good idea.
an excellent idea, it's better for our friendship in the long run
but the dream i had last night scared me a bit.
i'd just like to know if it's a break or if it's forever.
i think satan is playing head games. idk. or i'm just retarded
both are strong possibilities.
i won't contact you again, after this, unless you return my message, which you wont.
at least one of us is listening to God
but i think you have the easier end of the deal anyway.
since you're the one getting your phone number changed, after like this summer has past it's up to you to get ahold of me.
again, sorry for contacting you.
this will be the last time, i swear.

L TO THE O TO THE L
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first of all sorry for contacting you
and i still am not quite clear as to what i did to ruin this
but i'm sure you think so, so, there's not too much i can do about it. i just want you to know, that as lowly as you think of me, i do love you, a lot. that's not an apology; they never get me anywhere with you anyway. i am never going to be that person you want me to be. i just went to my parents', and my mother re-confirmed that. i am never going to be the person anyone wants me to be, so i just have to deal with that. i am seriously not just saying that, i know that i am a failure. and i am really sorry for ever befriending you. your life may have been a little easier had i never even spoken to you. there is so much i need to say to you, but i just can't. thank you, i guess, for showing me your true colors. i wish i would have seen them a little bit sooner i guess. i dont know why you think i'm superficial, or a bitch, really... but if you do and you were honest with me about it, i guess that's a step in the right direction for you. i left that mug on your porch because i figured if i was going to get over this friendship i should get rid of everything that reminds me of you. and i would feel guilty if i destroyed that cup, or threw it away, so i just let you do it. i think you should be grateful that i didn't bother you or contact you. i just left it on your porch and left. i really hope you do enjoy your life, and for all of my wrong doings, i'm sorry. again. i don't really want your forgiveness, i want you to know that, everything else aside, i do love you. i couldn't stop if i tried, because- God love me- I definately have.
.... ((crazy bitch))
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i have my bad days
this was one of them.
THAT'S NO EXCUSE, i know.
im sorry about the jealousy thing,
i love carly to death.
its just that after all our gdamn fights,
im scared of losing you as a friend.
that's all i want, i dont want you to make neon signs and tell the whole world that you're my best friend. or that im yours, whatever it is.
i just want to know that we're friends, and there are stupid little brain ninjas that remind me sometimes that we can be really bad for eachother. you know?
but im starting to realize that the though of us not being good for the other to have as a friend is coming from a lot of outside sources.
and im a paranoid freak, and im sorry for that too.
i don't hate the label of best friends,
i hate the negative things that come from it you know?
i hate that you feel confined in it
i hate that i feel confined in it
and i hate hearing 'why are you greys best friend?!'
when i know you're an amazing guy who deserves my bestfriendsmanship.
so i dont want to keep this shit up
i've said that and said that
and im sorry that i keep failing
but, believe it or not, im really trying
i know you deserve my trust
it's just hard to hand it out sometimes.
i know that i need to earn your trust as well
i am not set out to ruin your rep, greyson dale.
and thank you for being there, even when i fail.
i am honestly just afraid that you're going to see a shitty person in me, even though we both know that im not shitty, i just think i am sometimes
and any logical person, or illogical in your case-otherwise this wouldn't count-, would see how fun carly is and be like, fuck that bitch[being me], i want an easy friendship. one that doesn't involve insanity and fights all the time.
so i think that because im like that, i assumed you would be.
sorry.
i am really sorry for my attitude today
and for leaving
i know now that you weren't trying to leave me out
i just thought you guys thought i was making life awkward, and wanted me not to be there.
yeah, i was pissy, but the main reason i left was that i didnt think you guys wanted to be around me.
i know you hate my lack of self confidence, so im sorry that i said that, just want you to know what was going on.
not that you care, as you've pointed out.
i dont like that i made an awkward situation today
i shouldn't have thought that in the first place
let's face it- im an asshole sometimes.
i admitted it, save it for future reference if you wish, lol.
and if you forgive me and things are whatever again
you will not see this side of me again
because, like you said, this is immature and im 20 years old
unless you like tell me to get lost because im not good enough. haha.
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okay I'm too tired to make you look any worse
goodnight.




p.s. you're still a bitch.