The night the shit took over.

Just to prove that my days are never bland Let me tell you a little story that is just another example of how my life is never bland. ever. So it's midnight when I walk upstairs to grab a bite to eat and I hear my name being yelled from the bathroom. Of course it's the elderly woman who lives upstairs, she happens to be stuck on the toilet. which is not unusual so I go to the bathroom and open the door and to my horror there is fecal matter...everywhere. All over the floor, the bathtub, the wall, the toilet, her legs, and hands. all covered in shit. so I just take a deep breath asses the situation and devise a plan, this took me 20 minutes I'm not good with critical shit thinking. I swear to god I wasn't born for geriatrics I have always said this. I will continue to stick to it. So I throw some towels down and get her into the bathtub, I give her a bath clean her, every inch of her, to sparkling level, by the time I was done with her, I would've eaten meat off her thighs. So she was clean, I got her into fresh clean clothes with fresh towels, everything was warm and fresh and nice and I walk out grab my food go downstairs to eat before I tackle the bathroom. I hadn't even finished my food, which I don't eat like 2 pizzas with 4 orders of chinese, like ten minutes maybe and She is screaming my name again, I go upstairs. I find her in the bathroom again, there is shit on her bedroom floor, her, the bathroom floor x2 this time, and pretty much everything is covered again. So... I move on to help her and I tell her I want to call an ambulance because the amount of shit is so copious I should say, we could probably clog Chicago's plumbing system, there was enough there to fertilize texas, 2x. So anyways I tried to get her to agree to let me call an ambulance, eventually she let me call. It was fabo. so I called and the 911 dispatcher gave it to me straight, the ambulance arrived around the time we got her situated on the couch. She's off to the ER. I stay behind take a quick shower, grab some clothes and head off to the er where the nurse gives me the third degree because I didn't put pants on her before we left the house, well I'm sorry they were all full of shit. Fuck the ER it's such a waste of time, so they blamed it on constipation, and said it was because she's old. Really? Go figure she's fucking 78 so then they didn't give her anything to stop it but they did put a crew together who wheeled her out in a wheelchair. It was the LEAST they could do. Sooo she tells me, she felt as though she was going to shit, no big deal she's wrapped in blankets. We stop at a local conveniece chain and get some ben and jerry's ice cream. We got back, and the second she got out of my car she shit her pants, she also shit all over the bathroom again. Which hadn't been clean from the start. I didn't have time. The nurse at the er wanted to like nail me for elder abuse because I wasn't keeping everything like it should be well fuck her, I'm the best caregiver in the world, I'll clean it when I get a chance. So anyways she finally got out of the bathroom into clean clothing again. We have been sitting here for 20 minutes just eating ice cream and talking about whatever comes to mind. It's been nice it really has, there are candles lit in the bathroom. It's just waiting for me, covered in shit calling my name, I swear to god this is some sort of punishment. She just informed me she has to go again. Life is beautiful. I can't complain, atleast I'm the one cleaning it, and not pushing it. I feel like sometimes I take my life for granted, as difficult as it may be and as hard as it is somedays I always remember, there's someone who has it worse, and they would love to be in my shoes, away from their worries and their pain. But for now I will just walk along, bitch and moan about the fact that karma has frowned on my life tonight, and that's okay because for every shitload I clean up another fucker is getting some payback...I need to go do laundry I've used a couple hundred towels tonight.